The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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