is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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