i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
