you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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