But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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