did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
