Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize