I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize