im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
