Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
