he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
