I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize