I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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