i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
