we have pet lesbian snakes
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
