there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
