was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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