I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
