There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
