it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
