just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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