I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
