I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
