I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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