Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
