i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
