if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
