Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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