Pappa wants mamma naked
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i wish my penis had a tongue
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
