He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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