We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
