What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
