Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
