honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
