I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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