Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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