i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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