And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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