Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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