as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
