I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
