Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
