Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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