Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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