3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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