I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
