We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
