I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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