Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize