Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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