i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
