they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
