Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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