If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
