Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
