How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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