Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
