Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
