How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
