"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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