If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Green mimosas i think yes
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
May the power of my ass compel you!!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
