so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
