Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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