I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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