How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
