So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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