He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
