OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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