If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
