laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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