Me. At least after what I've been through.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My ATM looks so different sober.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
