He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize