Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
