am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
