I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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