I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
